Starring: Chris O'Donnell, Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland, Oliver Platt, Tim Curry, Rebecca De Mornay, Gabrielle Anwar, Julie Delpy
Director: Stephen Herek
Producers: Joe Roth and Roger Birnbaum
Screenplay: David Loughery based on the novel by Alexandre Dumas
Music: Michael Kamen
Released by Walt Disney Pictures
For this latest cinematic version of The Three Musketeers, Walt Disney Pictures has turned to screenwriter David Loughery to do the writing. The finished product is about what you'd expect from the man who was co-responsible (along with William Shatner) for the inexcusably bad Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, a film that many fans of the series disavow. Those who have seen Richard Lester's '70s tongue-in-cheek version of the adventure should avoid this one, lest they feel compelled to hurl popcorn and invectives at the screen.
Young D'Artagnan (Chris O'Donnell) has decided to join the Musketeers, the elite corps of guards charged with the French king's safety. Unfortunately, they have been disbanded by Cardinal Richelieu (Tim Curry) and the best D'Artagnan can manage is helping out a trio of outlawed Musketeers: Aramis (Charlie Sheen), Athos (Kiefer Sutherland), and Porthos (Oliver Platt). Despite Richelieu's decree, they continue to honor their vows to protect King Louis XIII (Hugh O'Connor) and his Austrian queen, Anne (Gabrielle Anwar). When they discover that the Cardinal is plotting against their liege, it's up to them to capture his spy (Rebecca De Mornay) and foil his assassination attempt.
The first indication of trouble with this movie is in the casting. It's not a stroke of brilliance to choose Sheen, Sutherland, and Platt as the triumphant trio (although, to his credit, Sutherland does a credible job as a moody Athos). It's an even worse choice to pick Chris O'Donnell as D'Artagnan, since he seems more concerned about not messing up his perm than in giving a decent accounting of himself. Tim Curry is entirely too feeble to make a credible villain, and Hugh O'Connor's version of King Louis looks like something out of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Two performers are moderately effective, but they're mostly smothered by all the ineptitude around them. Michael Wincott is suitably nasty as the villainous ex-Musketeer Rocheford (and yes, there is a cheesy joke about the name). Gabrielle Anwar, who looked decidedly uncomfortable in For Love or Money, is more at home in these surroundings. Her role is small, but her performance is solid.
The Three Musketeersis supposed to be high adventure and, while there are a few nice swordfights, most of the action isn't likely to provoke more than a "ho-hum" reaction. Much of the humor is entirely unintentional, often owing to Loughery's astoundingly bad dialogue. Director Stephen Herek should go back to making Bill and Ted films. He obviously doesn't have what it takes here. Of course, it doesn't help that his actors are having a hard time summoning up enthusiasm for their parts.
In much the same way that Kevin Costner's lifeless Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves butchered the legends of Sherwood Forest, so this film bludgeons The Three Musketeers. At least in the Robin Hood adaptation, we had Alan Rickman doing a delightful job of chewing on the scenery. Here, Tim Curry manages the dubious distinction of seeming restrained when going over-the-top. If there is a reason to see this movie, it's for the five-minute extended preview of Disney's upcoming The Lion King, but such quick satisfaction is hardly value for the dollar. "All for one, and one for all" may be the motto of the Musketeers, but this latest filmed version of their exploits is all for naught.
© 1993 James Berardinelli