Cast: Minnie Driver, Hallie Kate Eisenberg, Joey Lauren Adams, Kathleen Turner, Leslie Stefanson, Bridgette Wilson, Kathleen Robertson
Director: Sally Field
Producers: John Bertolli, B.J. Rack
Screenplay: Jon Bernstein
Cinematography: Robert D. Yeoman
Music: John Frizzell
U.S. Distributor: Destination Films
I suppose it was inevitable that, after spending so much time in front of the camera, Sally Field would yield to the urge to step around to the other side and try her hand at directing. Technically speaking, she lost her filmmaking virginity in 1996, when she helmed the TV holiday special "The Christmas Tree." She also directed one of the episodes of the 1998 HBO mini-series "From the Earth to the Moon". However, neither of those outings prepared audiences for Field's feature directorial debut, a wretchedly insipid effort that makes a mockery of its name, Beautiful. In fact, Beautiful isn't just ugly, it's Coyote Ugly (or at least poised to give that ignominious title a race for the runner's-up position on the 2000 Worst Of list).
Beautiful tells the uninspired and uninspiring story of Mona Hibbard (Minnie Driver), a white trash girl from Naperville, Illinois who spends her entire life trying to become Miss America Miss. Her early beauty pageant experiences aren't promising, but, after enlisting the costuming talent of her best friend, Ruby (Joey Lauren Adams), things start looking up. Unfortunately, just when Mona appears to be headed for a crown, she suffers a setback: pregnancy (no contestant for Miss America Miss can be a mother or a legal guardian of a child). But it's Ruby to the rescue. After Mona gives birth to Vanessa (Hallie Kate Eisenberg), Ruby takes over all maternal duties, leaving Mona to continue in single-minded pursuit of her dream.
Compared to what Beautiful foists on its audience, the most sentimental made-for-TV crap looks subtle. This movie has no grace or charm; it's all manipulation. Nearly every scene is crafted ham-fistedly, with the goal of generating an avalanche of tears and goodwill at the end - goals that will only be achieved in the case of lobotomized viewers who exhibit little discernment when it comes to motion picture appreciation. Here's litmus test: if you enjoyed the dubious charms of films like Patch Adams and Stepmom (both of which, believe it or not, are actually less galling than this movie), Beautiful is probably your cup of tea, with the sugar stirred in so thickly that it turns the entire concoction into syrup.
The film doesn't know whether it wants to be a satire, a sit-com, or a feel-good melodrama. Elements of all three are mixed together in a blend that rapidly curdles. Sexual molestation is presented in a facile, jokey manner, with the girl's reaction designed to garner a laugh. The parody elements, while present, pale in comparison to even something as weak as Drop Dead Gorgeous. And the supposedly heart-wrenching drama left me dry-eyed and wishing that the damn movie would come to a swift end.
One thing notable about Beautiful is its extreme use of product placement. Pepsi and Ruffles are the most obvious examples - those labels are plastered all over the place - but they're not the only ones. Everywhere you look in this film, some high-profile product is being advertised. If the movie offered better entertainment, I'd call this intrusive. As it is, it's just another irritant. (Incidentally, since Hallie Kate Eisenberg is starring in a number of recent Pepsi commercials, one has to wonder whether the young actresses' presence in this film is, in itself, a product placement of sorts. Or maybe part of a deal with Pepsi was that she would play the role.)
Most of the time, the mere presence of the charming and bubbly Minnie Driver in a movie is enough to make it at least marginally palatable, but that's not the case here. In what is arguably the least charismatic performance of her career, Driver fails to shine or even make us care about her haracter. Joey Lauren Adams (the helium-voiced love interest from Chasing Amy) is no better, and Eisenberg (who was in Bicentennial Man) comes from the school of Cute Brats You Want to Strangle. The best thing that could have happened to her character would have been an abortion (one wonders why the script conveniently ignores this option).
There's only one reason why Beautiful is getting national distribution - because of Sally Field's clout. On merit alone, this movie deserves a deep, unmarked grave on a video store shelf. Some will argue that this review is cruel, and they may be right - but so is losing two hours of one's life to this inexcusably bad tripe. When it comes to words of high praise, the ads for Beautiful will be lacking in credible names. No "two thumbs up" or "best movie of the year" salutations. Only Rosie O'Donnell lauding this movie as a great chick flick. Need I say more?
© 2000 James Berardinelli