Cast: Chris Kattan, Peter Falk, Peter Berg, Chris Penn, Richard Roundtree, Vinessa Shaw, Fred Ward
Director: Rob Pritts
Producer: Robert Simonds
Screenplay: David Garrett & Jason Ward
Cinematography: Steven Bernstein
Music: Randy Edelman
U.S. Distributor: Touchstone Pictures
October is the perfect month of the year in which to release Corky Romano, with Halloween and the Season of the Witch just around the corner. After all, this is perhaps the most effective horror film to have arrived in theaters since The Blair Witch Project - it is so horrific, in fact, that it nearly caused me to run screaming from the theater. What's that? It's supposed to be a comedy? Strange. You'd never guess that while watching the movie. There are more laughs in Schindler's List.
The other reason why this is a good choice for an October movie is that the only reasonable explanation for the existence of Corky Romano is black magic. Not even blackmail can explain how so many people could be duped into agreeing to craft such a monument to ineptitude. And with Chris Kattan as the lead? One can sort of understand how studio heads might think Mariah Carey could attract audiences to Glitter (even though she didn't). Who in their right mind would think that Kattan, whose fan club is limited to family members, could be considered a draw? This guy is to comedy what Arnold Schwarzenegger or Steven Seagal is to emotional drama. And, while he isn't singularly responsible for Saturday Night Live's precipitous drop in quality during the late-'90s, it's reasonable to identify him as a big part of the problem. (He also co-wrote and co-starred in the singularly unfunny A Night at the Roxbury.) And, while Corky Romano is not another lame SNL motion picture spin-off, it might as well be.
Human beings have a sick fascination for grotesque, ugly things. When we come upon a car wreck, we slow down and crane our necks to get a better look. We watch replays of natural disasters ad nauseum, until we can see the images in our sleep. And we venture into the twisted wreckage of a motion picture like Corky Romano because we can't fathom how something so unspeakably bad can actually make it to a multiplex. It only takes about three minutes of running time to realize that you have wasted your money. The question is whether you have the stamina to endure all 80 minutes. "I survived Corky" tee-shirts should be given out to everyone who stays until the end credits roll and can provide proof that they didn't take the easy way out of napping.
The screenplay, which may have been a result of the million monkeys with a million typewriters experiment, makes no sense whatsoever. A mob boss, Pops Romano (Peter Falk), is about to be taken to trial by the Federal Government on an assortment of charges. The evidence the Feds have assembled is described as compelling. So, Pops and his two sons, Pete (Chris Penn) and Paulie (Peter Berg), agree to send the black sheep of the family, Corky (Kattan), under cover in the FBI to steal the evidence. Corky, a meek veterinarian who knows nothing about the "family business", is less than thrilled, but he doesn't want to let his father down, so he agrees.
It's a little sad seeing what some of these actors have come to. What is a professional, recognizable individual like Peter Falk doing in this drek? Or Fred Ward (who, to be frank, looks like he would rather be anywhere else)? Are these men that desperate for a pay check? Richard Roundtree, the original Shaft, has a small part as Corky's FBI superior, and Vinessa Shaw, whose talents are not acting-related, is the obligatory love interest.
The director is a first time filmmaker named Rob Pritts, whose inexperience shows in every frame. He's not likely to get many more offers to sit behind the camera after this debacle. Watching Corky Romano is like doing a penance - you can see all of the failed jokes and sense the growing desperation on the part of the cast and crew. On some level, they seem to know they're not being funny, so they do things that are increasingly more embarrassing in an attempt to turn the audience's grimaces into smiles. It doesn't work. Some viewers will probably be offended by the politically incorrect material (which includes sexist and homophobic remarks). However, many will share my opinion that the very existence of this movie is such an atrocity that it's pointless to be affronted by the individual pieces. If there was no Freddy Got Fingered, Corky Romano would be the early favorite in the "Worst of the Year" sweepstakes. As it is, the best it can do is runner-up.
© 2001 James Berardinelli