Cast: David Arquette, Kari Wuhrer, Scott Terra, Scarlett Johansson, Doug E. Doug, Rick Overton, Leon Rippy
Director: Ellory Elkayem
Producers: Bruce Berman and Dean Devlin
Screenplay: Jesse Alexander & Ellory Elkayem
Cinematography: John S. Bartley
Music: John Ottman
U.S. Distributor: Warner Brothers
Eight Legged Freaks tries to out-rumble Tremors and out-shriek Arachnophobia while establishing its own place amongst the small group of films that satirize B-grade monster movies. As proven by the dismal failure of Lake Placid, the last movie to travel this road, it can be a perilous journey. The line between a movie that's clever enough to be good and one that's just plain bad is pretty thin, and more than one director has lost his way. Lampoons of a genre that's filled with self-parodies is a tricky business. For the most part, Eight Legged Freaks gets things right. The movie offers plenty of scares and laughs - provided you can stay awake through the turgidly paced first half-hour, which has all the energy of a flu victim on Nyquil.
If you go to Eight Legged Freaks expecting anything but a campy, cheesy romp, then you have wandered into the wrong theater. This movie is for those who like smart (often self-referential) humor and cheap thrills. It lives off making fun of other movies while supplying the occasional creepy moment or sudden scare. Those who don't like spiders will definitely want to stay away. While the CGI special effects aren't that impressive (I assume they are intended to look fake), they are vivid enough to give arachnophobes nightmares. There is no way a spider-hater is going to derive enjoyment out of this motion picture. Take this into consideration if you're considering Eight Legged Freaks as a "date movie." Having your companion flee up the aisle at the sight of a 15-foot tarantula is not the best way to start an evening.
The cast is populated by B-movie and lesser-known names. David Arquette, recognized primarily as Courteney Cox's on-screen (in Scream) and off-screen leading man, is Chris McCormack, the film's main male character. He gets to wield all the cool tools: a shotgun, a cell phone, and a perfume spritzer. Kari Wuhrer, a veteran of low-budget films known for her tendency to remove clothing (although not in this PG-13 affair), is Sheriff Sam Parker, a chick with a gun and a penchant for squishing spiders. Scott Terra is Mike Parker, the kid who knows everything about the wee beasties, but to whom no one listens. Rising starlet Scarlett Johansson (Ghost World) is Mike's rebellious sister, Ashley. Doug E. Doug is Harlan, a radio show host who broadcasts about government cover-ups and alien conspiracies (think Art Bell with an attitude). Finally, there's Rick Overton as Deputy Pete, the nerdy cop who finds himself in way over his head when a spider gets into his house and eats his cat.
The spiders in Eight Legged Freaks start out normal size, until spider farm owner Josh (a creepy looking Tom Noonan) experiments by feeding them with crickets that have been contaminated by toxic waste. Suddenly, the spiders start getting bigger and bigger, and it isn't long before they have escaped from their cages and are dining on their owner. Within a week or so, they're big enough to overrun the small town of Prosperity, Arizona. The only ones standing between them and total dominance are a small group comprised of the characters mentioned above.
Director Ellory Elkayem, making his feature debut, was hand-picked by Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich for the lighthearted, non-serious tone he could bring to the picture. Elkayem delivers. He inserts plenty of gags, both visual and otherwise, into the film. One example of this is the spiders' "voices", which sound like something out of a cartoon. They giggle a lot and you can almost hear them go "Uh-oh" whenever things don't go their way. Composer John Ottman gets in on the fun as well, using strains of "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" in his score.
If all of Eight Legged Freaks was as entertaining as the final hour, I would have no problem giving it an unqualified recommendation (at least for anyone who isn't morbidly afraid of spiders). However, because the movie drags during the setup (the jokey tone feels forced until the spiders start pouncing), which comprises about a third of the running time, some viewers might do better waiting for this epic to reach home video. A little fast-forwarding during the first 30 minutes won't hurt things much. It's not as if there's any real character development to be missed, just a lot of needless exposition. Ultimately determining your appreciation level for this film shouldn't be difficult. If you liked Tremors and Arachnophobia or have a fondness for the old B-movies in which insects turn into giant monsters, this is your kind of movie. If you don't know what I'm talking about, this may not be the best opportunity for an introduction. Eight Legged Freaks lives up to the campiness of its title, and that's its chief strength.
© 2002 James Berardinelli