Cast: Ashton Kutcher, Brittany Murphy, Christian Kane, David Moscow, David Rasche
Director: Shawn Levy
Producer: Robert Simonds
Screenplay: Sam Harper
Cinematography: Jonathan Brown
Music: Christophe Beck
U.S. Distributor: 20th Century Fox
Just Married is typical January fare – a movie that would look far better on the small screen (either as a video or an extended sit-com episode) than it does on the large one. In fact, it's hard to imagine potential viewers shelling out $10 to watch two B-grade stars (Ashton Kutcher of "That '70s Show," and Brittany Murphy, last seen romancing Eminem in 8 Mile) stumbling through a by-the-numbers storyline that seems to have been "inspired" by the National Lampoon's Vacation movies. There's as much freshness here as there is in a stale crust of bread, but at least we aren't subjected to Chevy Chase.
Actually, Just Married could be worse. Judging by director Shawn Levy's resume, which includes Big Fat Liar, it could be a lot worse. As it is, it's just uninspired and mostly unfunny. The actors try their best, and occasionally manage to make the movie watchable, but they're giving more effort than the screenplay deserves. Brittany Murphy, who has shown star quality in past performances, has moments when she lights up the screen. Ashton Kutcher isn't as charismatic, but there are instances when he and Murphy (who are currently together off screen) generate a little low-key romantic chemistry.
Just Married follows a newlywed couple, Tom (Kutcher) and Sarah (Murphy), on their honeymoon. However, instead of being accompanied by Cupid, they're saddled with Murphy, whose law dictates that everything that can go wrong will go wrong. So, while spending their first day in the Alps, they short out the hotel's electricity and nearly burn down the building, leading to an eviction. They spend the night trapped in a car in a snowdrift. In Venice, they encounter walls as thin as tissue paper and pet-sized cockroaches. Along the way, there are the usual misunderstandings, the arrival of an old flame, the inevitable histrionics, and the obligatory flatulence jokes. (What would a PG-13 comedy be without at least one fart?) By the time the trip is over, Tom and Sarah aren't talking to each other.
Just Married works better when it's being semi-serious than when it's in "comedy" mode. The romance, although half-baked, isn't half bad. Especially during the "getting to know you" first half hour, Tom and Sarah share a few nice moments. Then the sweetness turns bitter. When it comes to the humor, Just Married reeks of desperation. The movie tries too hard to be funny, and, because nearly every gag is predictable, ineptly set up, and mechanically executed, even the best of the jokes has trouble eliciting more than a feeble chuckle. Murphy in particular deserves better, but at least she got a boyfriend and a paycheck out of the deal. No such benefits await those who sacrifice both cash and time to see this movie.
© 2003 James Berardinelli