Cast: Lance Bass, Joey Fatone, Gregory Qaiyum, James Bulliard, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Tamala Jones, Jerry Stiller
Director: Eric Bross
Producers: Peter Abrams, Robert L. Levy, Louise Rosner, Wendy Thorlakson
Screenplay: Eric Aronson & Paul Stanton
Cinematography: Michael Bernard
Music: Stewart Copeland
U.S. Distributor: Miramax Films
As I begin writing this review, I realize that I'm probably going to become very unpopular with fans of the band 'NSYNC. It is for them - mostly girls in the age 8 to 13 range - that this movie has been made, and, because those star-struck ticket-buyers get to see two of their heroes on screen, they won't care what some over-the-hill, stick-in-the-mud film critic has to say about this supposed teen romantic comedy. Nevertheless, I invite them to read on - if only to gain a measure of insight into why most non-'NSYNC fans will understandably avoid this movie like the overripe and undercooked piece of cinematic refuse that it is. Granted, On the Line isn't a contender for one of the worst films of the year, but it's still a pretty poor excuse for a love story.
The premise may sound vaguely familiar. A guy and a girl "meet cute" (to use a term that is becoming increasingly more common for this sort of situation), then, despite the obvious cosmic connection, part before they obtain the relevant details about each other (such as how to get in contact again). So, they spend the rest of the movie trying to re-connect, only to have fate intervene in the final ten minutes. No, this isn't Serendipity, even though it sounds just like it. But, take the characters from the Peter Chelsom film (also released by Miramax, by the way) and deduct about 10 years from their ages, and you have the protagonists of On the Line. And, take the screenplay for Serendipity and drain away anything remotely insightful, intriguing, or intelligent, and you're left with the script for On the Line. Serendipity is not a masterful excursion into the romantic comedy genre; it just seems like it when compared to this movie.
The narrative has a painfully predictable and repetitive rhythm. Following the "meet cute" scene on a bus featuring Kevin (Lance Bass) and Abbey (Emmanuelle Chriqui), we are assaulted by some sit-com quality comedy/drama scenes featuring Kevin and his annoying three best friends - Rod (Joey Fatone, NSYNC guy #2 in this movie), Eric (Gregory Qaiyum), and Randy (James Bulliard). Then there's a montage (with 'NSYNC singing some generic pop tune in the background), followed by more sit-com scenes, then another montage, and so on... The only way in which the characters can be said to grow is if the phrase "on the viewer's nerves" is added. The stupidity of the script astounds, and Eric Boss' uninspired direction doesn't help. We never care whether Kevin and Abbey will get together again, although we know they will. Neither character is real enough to generate any sort of sympathy and, in the short time we see them interacting, there's no evidence of chemistry.
Movies like this are supposed to lift us out of reality and gently deposit us into a pseudo-fantasy realm where we're willing to accept contrivances, implausibilities, and acts of fate. On the Line isn't good enough to get us to that point. For example, towards the end, when Kevin buys advertising space on every billboard in Chicago to propose a romantic rendezvous, my eyes weren't tearing up from the emotion of it all. Instead, I was wondering how this guy, who's a junior executive at an ad agency and doesn't make enough money to live by himself, can afford this kind of an expenditure. Now, I realize I'm not supposed to think this, but the movie never transported me to the level where this sort of logical objection becomes irrelevant.
The wooden quality of Lance Bass' performance means that Mariah Carrey is no longer the hands-down winner of the "Worst Acting Job by a Singer" award of 2001. It's difficult to decide which of these two is less convincing. At least the other 'NSYNC band member, Joey Fatone, avoids embarrassing himself (except in that he was associated with this production in the first place). In fact, he's better than the other two "actors" who play Kevin's friends. Emmanuelle Chriqui is pretty to look at, but, given her limited screen time, it's difficult to tell whether she has any real ability. The only veteran to have an appearance is Jerry Stiller, who is supposed to function as Kevin's mentor, but he only has about 5 minutes of screen time. I have to assume that most of his scenes ended up on the cutting room floor. Luckily for him, maybe no one will remember he was in this picture.
On the Line's desperation to get a PG rating is evident - on one occasion, the word "ass" is badly overdubbed as "butt". The filmmakers are apparently aware that they have to get every preteen girl into the theater, because no one else is going to subject himself or herself to this trial by bad acting. Actually, the title alone should be an indication that all is not well with this movie. Forgettable, generic titles like On the Line are usually indicative of forgettable, generic productions - which is exactly what this is. Unfortunately, like all trifles that use unbearable amounts of saccharine to cover up poor quality, this one leaves a bad aftertaste.
© 2001 James Berardinelli