Cast: Chris Klein, Jean Reno, LL Cool J, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, Naveen Andrews
Director: John McTiernan
Producers: Beau St. Clair, Charles Roven, John McTiernan
Screenplay: Larry Ferguson and John Pogue, based on the screenplay and short story by William Harrison
Cinematography: Steve Mason
Music: Eric Serra
U.S. Distributor: MGM
To call Rollerball a mindless action film is to overestimate its intelligence. To call it an incoherent mess is to exaggerate its structure. Like a gerbil exercising in a wheel, this movie spins and spins, generating a lot of action and noise, but getting absolutely nowhere. The most depressing thing about this movie is not that it's such a complete waste of time, but that there are people in Hollywood who think this kind of thing is what American movie-goers are interested in seeing. Please don't let them be right...
Rollerball, at least in name and premise, is a remake of the 1975 James Caan vehicle. Considering the mediocre quality of that movie, it should have been reasonably simple for director John McTiernan and company to succeed in the unusual - crafting a remake that is better than the original. However, McTiernan seemed determined to make his version of Rollerball inferior to its '70s namesake in every way. This movie looks like it went into production without a finished script... and still didn't have one when production wrapped.
All of the characters in Rollerball have names, but it hardly seems worth mentioning them, since the individuals are more easily identified by the types they represent. It's the year 2005 and the hot new sport Rollerball has taken Europe by storm. A violent, gladiatorial contest, it glories in the misfortunes of its players. Please don't expect me to provide details about Rollerball - the movie doesn't, so I can't. Quiddich is better explained in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, and the whole movie doesn't revolve around that. Here, the focal point of the action are three of the best Rollerball players: the Morally Upright Whitebread Guy (Chris Klein, the soft-spoken jock from American Pie), the Token Black Man Who Is Unlikely to Survive the Proceedings (LL Cool J), and the Obligatory Babe Who Has a Gratuitous Nude Scene (Rebecca Romijn-Stamos). These three play for the team owned by the Nasty Villain With a Foreign Accent (Jean Reno). Nasty Villain is interested in raising Rollerball TV ratings, so, after determining that violence brings in viewers, he begins to orchestrate various "mishaps". Morally Upright, Token Black, and Obligatory Babe rebel, and all hell breaks loose.
Rollerball may contain more edits than any movie ever made. The camera never holds one shot for more than about a second, and, during the action sequences, it's not usual for there to be multiple cuts in the blink of an eye. The result is dizzying and makes the proceedings incomprehensible. The loud cacophony of dissonant music enhances the sense that we're watching a music video run amok. There's also a lengthy night sequence that's filmed using (or in a manner that emulates using) night vision - everything is greenish and grainy. I have no idea why McTiernan chose this approach, unless it was to make this part of his multi-million dollar movie look like it was filmed on a shoestring budget.
My condolences go out to the actors who appeared in this movie. Hopefully, this won't hurt any of their careers. One can sort-of understand why Klein, Romijn-Stamos, and LL Cool J would appear here - they aren't big names and a paycheck is a paycheck. On the other hand, Jean Reno's participation is, at least on the surface, inexplicable. My guess is that he lost a bar bet. He hams it up nicely, but, alas, Nasty Villain With a Foreign Accent will not go down as one of the all-time memorable bad guys.
The original cut of Rollerball was R-rated. Edits were needed to achieve the PG-13 release classification. The most notable of these was reportedly the removal of Romijn-Stamos nudity (hints of it remain). Nevertheless, the final version is exceedingly violent, leaving viewers to once again consider the inconsistencies in the rating system. A film can be teeming with vicious, bone-crunching violence and receive a PG-13, but one shot of a naked woman earns an R. (Let me hasten to add that Romijn-Stamos could have been nude throughout the entire movie and that wouldn't have saved Rollerball.) Of course, MGM desperately needed the PG-13, since no one except teenage boys would even consider seeing this slickly-packaged manure. (And, at least in theory, the target audience would have been locked out of an R-rated picture.)
The only remaining mystery is how a respected action director like John McTiernan could become involved in a disaster like this. McTiernan doesn't have a spotless resume - he has done Medicine Man and Last Action Hero in addition to Die Hard and The Hunt for Red October, but never before has he been culpable for a cinematic atrocity of this magnitude. One can only hope that the production got away from him, because if McTiernan thinks he turned out a quality product, he's in need of a loooooong vacation. And, if I get stuck seeing many more movies like Rollerball in the near future, I may have to join him.
© 2002 James Berardinelli