Starring: Charlie Sheen, Nastassja Kinski, James Gandolfini, Christopher McDonald, Melvin Van
Peebles
Director: Deran Sarafian
Producers: Scott Kroopf and Tom Engelman
Screenplay: David Twohy
Cinematography: Oliver Wood
Music: Joel McNeely
Released by Hollywood Pictures
It is possible to enjoy Terminal Velocity once you realize how truly awful a film it is. In fact, it's only then that it becomes fun. In terms of laughs, there are moments of high mirth. The question is: how much of the humor is intentional? Sadly, given the way the film was put together, the answer is likely to disappoint. Intent, however, does little to limit effect. Why else do people find Plan Nine from Outer Space so engaging? (No, Terminal Velocity isn't that bad.)
I have never admired Charlie Sheen as an action hero. He's fine at the wisecracking, and he's not bad in a fight, but there's one major asset he lacks: an accent. How can you take anyone serious in this sort of movie when they sound like they were born in this country? Even Steven Seagal has an accent of sorts...it's called a monotone.
Ah, but then there's Nastassja Kinski, and she has the accent. Given the way she takes command, it becomes apparent who the real muscle is. Sheen is just along for the ride (so to speak) -- a "male love interest." That doesn't really fit, though, because he gets top billing. Then along comes the scene with the freefalling car, and it all clicks into place. Sheen isn't the action hero or the token beefcake. He's the comic relief.
Then again, maybe not...
The plot takes preposterousness to new levels. I doubt even Forrest Gump would be able to suspend his disbelief enough to swallow what this movie has to offer. It's about a former KGB agent named Chris Morrow (Kinski) who decides to go skydiving one afternoon. Her teacher, a guy with the unlikely appellation of Ditch Brodie (Sheen), is so intent on getting her into bed that he doesn't notice when she takes an unsupervised jump out of the plane. A few minutes later, she goes splat, and he's left nursing his guilt and facing a possible manslaughter charge. However, when he visits the dead girl's apartment, he learns that things may not be quite as they look.
The dialogue is as hard-boiled as it comes. These are the kinds of lines that once made dime-store novels so popular. And it's not just occasional. "Pack the bags -- we're going on a guilt trip" happens to be my favorite, but there are lots more to choose from.
Terminal Velocity has an unfair advantage over many other bad movies: it's too raucous to put anyone to sleep. There are enough explosions, gun fights, and loud music interludes to arouse the attention of even the most disinterested viewer. Laughably preposterous, yes; boring, no. It's an experience, all right, albeit one that most people can do without.
© 1994 James Berardinelli