Sorry, Sienna

August 03, 2005
A thought by James Berardinelli

Normally, I'm not a conspiracy theorist. In fact, I'm a card-carrying unbeliever. While I don't accept that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, I don't subscribe to the theory that Lyndon Johnson was behind the assassination. I'm not a "UFO person" (meaning that I don't believe we have been visited by intelligent life from another planet, although I accept that such life almost certainly exists somewhere, out there, amongst the stars). But there are times...

When the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes romance blazed its comet-like trail across the front pages of gossip rags worldwide, I shrugged. Some people theorized that these two weren't really in love - it was all a publicity stunt. Pretty stupid way to gain publicity, it seemed to me. Soon, Cruise had been branded as a cook and Holmes as his up-and-coming Stepford Wife. Not exactly postiive image re-inforcement. I stand by my original statements that these two are really into each other, not just playing to the cameras.

The Jude Law/Sienna Miller mess is another story. First of all, who apologizes publically for having an affair? This is the kind of thing that's done behind closed doors (unless it's like the unfortunate Hugh Grant situation). Now, because of Law's mea culpa heard round the world, broken-hearted Sienna is a media darling and whose tragic story has eleveated her to A-list status. Makes the pill a lot less bitter. Next step, I suspect: a tearful reunion with Jude. All is forgiven.

My devious mind postulates that this so-called affair never happened. It was a scheme cooked up by Law and Miller to polish her reputation at the temporary expense of his. Men never suffer long-term for this sort of thing. Did the Meg Ryan affair hurt Russell Crowe? Of course not. In Hollywood, the double standard lives when it comes to infidelity. If the man does it, he's a stud. If it's the woman, she's a bitch and a whore. (Observe what happened to Meg Ryan after the Crowe interlude. Meg who?)

Alternatively, it's possible that Law did sleep around and this is his penance: come clean with it in public so Sienna gets the sympathy and the roles that come with it. That's the price of a reunion. Of course, if these two never get back together, that torpedoes my theories. But I can't believe all is as it seems here because this thing stinks like rotting fish.

Then again, if Miller is a good actress, she deserves the break, regardless of how she gets it. (I haven't seen enough of her to make a determination - a few minutes in Alfie and a few minutes in Layer Cake. Come to think of it, thanks to the costume designers, I have seen quite a bit of her...) As for Law, I don't care whether he is or is not dallying with the babysitter. But at least he may have the inside track on another in the endless list of big-screen TV show re-makes: Nanny and the Professor.