Cast: Geoffrey Rush, Famke Janssen, Peter Gallagher, Taye Diggs, Ali Larter, Chris Kattan, Bridgette Wilson
Director: William Malone
Producers: Gilbert Adler, Joel Silver, Robert Zemeckis
Screenplay: Dick Beebe
Cinematography: Rick Bota
Music: Don Davis
U.S. Distributor: Warner Brothers
If you're looking for creepy or scary movies this Halloween, you won't find them at your local multiplex, where the slim pickings offer an unfortunate choice between Bats and the almost-as-bad House on Haunted Hill. A remake of schlockmeister William Castle's 1958 movie by the same name, House on Haunted Hill manages the difficult feat of being even dumber than the original. Of course, since this is 1999 and horror movies try to avoid being called "understated", this version is also very loud, very gory, and chock full of special effects. One of the lessons that filmmakers working in this genre need to learn is that these qualities almost invariably lead to an inferior product.
I have always gotten House on Haunted Hill mixed up with The Haunting of Hill House (the book upon which The Haunting was based), probably because both titles use basically the same words. Apparently, director William Malone and screenwriter Dick Beebe (who is credited with having written both versions) have the same problem, because key aspects of this film's ending are almost exactly the same as those of the recent remake of The Haunting. Once again, we are presented with a homicidal house that's out to gobble up anyone who happens to be inside of it. Maybe these two movies are intended as cautionary tales for would be home buyers.
The film introduces us to Stephen Price, an amusement park entrepreneur who enjoys frightening the daylights out of paying customers. Price, named so named as an homage to Castle regular Vincent Price, who played this role in the original, is portrayed by Geoffrey Rush, who has by now squandered all the credibility he gained for his Oscar-winning turn in Shine. At the behest of his wife, Evelyn (Famke Janssen), Stephen decides to hold her birthday bash at the House on Haunted Hill - a former mental asylum where dozens of patients perished in a 1931 fire. Stephen invites 5 guests, none of whom he has ever before met, with the lucrative promise of $1 million to each person who spends the entire night. Sadly, they're not a very interesting group - just a bunch of stock characters waiting to be sliced and diced. Watson Pritchett (Saturday Night Live cast member Chris Kattan), the owner of the property, is convinced that the house is alive. Eddie Baker (Taye Diggs, currently starring in The Best Man) is a former athlete. Melissa Marr (Bridgette Wilson, of Love Stinks) is a once-famous gameshow host who is looking for a way back on TV. Donald Blackburn (Peter Gallagher) is a doctor with a secret. And Sarah (Ali Larter, from Varsity Blues) is impersonating her boss, Jennifer Jenzen, because she needs the money.
Horror film characters are supposed to be stupid. It's in their genes. However, for a movie like this to work, we have to develop some kind of bond with at least one of them. Halloween is effective because we have a rooting interest in Jamie Lee Curtis (even though she keeps throwing the knife away). The Exorcist has an impact because we want Linda Blair to pull through. One of many reasons why House on Haunted Hill fails is because no one in the cast is remotely sympathetic. This is the kind of film where you root for the house to win.
In the original House on Haunted Hill, the birthday party is an elaborate cover-up for a hopelessly convoluted murder plan. The storyline is completely without credibility, but the film, like most Castle productions, is fun to watch in a campy sort of way. The same is not true of the remake, which takes itself far too seriously (except for Rush, who hams it up). The skeletal plot structure is the same, but the added dimension of real ghouls and ghosts has been none-too-cleverly grafted on. The resultant mess leaves the viewer wondering what's happening.
Watching House on Haunted Hill is a curious experience. In order to follow all the twists and turns (none of which are especially surprising), it's necessary to keep the mind in gear. Paradoxically, the only way anyone could possibly enjoy this movie is to shift all mental faculties into neutral and drift through the experience. Perhaps most distressing of all is that the film fails to deliver even one good "boo!" moment. Where are cats jumping out of closets when you need them? In a strange way, however, this is an appropriate Halloween offering, because the only way anyone would go to this movie is if they have been tricked. And don't expect a treat.
© 1999 James Berardinelli