Cast: Jamie Lee Curtis, William Baldwin, Donald Sutherland, Joanna Pacula, Marshall Bell, Julio Oscar Mechoso, Sherman Augustus, Cliff Curtis
Director: John Bruno
Producer: Gale Anne Hurd
Screenplay: Chuck Pfarrer and Dennis Feldman based on the Dark Horse Comic Book Series created by Chuck Pfarrer
Cinematography: David Eggby
Music: Joel McNeely
U.S. Distributor: Universal Pictures
Universal Pictures, one of the big losers at the box office in 1998 (until the success of Patch Adams, the studio was swimming in a pool of blood-red ink), has started off 1999 in less-than-stellar fashion. Despite protests of confidence in the production, the Universal Honchos elected not to offer any advance screenings for Virus. Loose translation: "We know this is a really bad film, but we hope to sucker as many people into theaters as possible on opening weekend, so we don't want critics trashing it beforehand." I generally go into this sort of movie with a sense of profound skepticism. Once in a rare while, I find myself pleasantly surprised. This was not one of those occasions. Put plainly, Virus is 95 minutes of unrelieved tedium.
Essentially, this movie is one long chase. There's no real suspense, nor are there any genuine scares. Virus is comprised of a group of one-dimensional characters running around in the dark, dank bowels of an abandoned Russian science vessel. Occasionally, something is actually chasing them, but, for the most part, they seem to be scurrying about like ants who have lost their way to the anthill. If this sounds familiar, that's because it's hardly an original idea. Virus virtually replicates 1998's Deep Rising, which was in fact a cheap rip-off of Alien (or Aliens, or Alien 3, or Alien Resurrection - they're all basically the same story). Done properly, chase movies can be a lot of high-adrenaline fun (Speed is a good example). Done poorly, they can be perfect alternatives to an over-the-counter sleep medication (Speed 2 is a good example). No points for guessing into which category Virus falls.
The storyline has a group of seafaring scavengers boarding the deserted vessel "Akademic Vladislav Volkov" after they find her adrift on the high seas in the eye of a hurricane. Like the "Marie Celeste", there's not a trace of anyone on board. Led by a borderline-psychotic captain, Everton (Donald Sutherland), a tight-lipped navigator, Kit Foster (Jamie Lee Curtis), and a pragmatic engineer, Steve Baker (William Baldwin), the crew of the "Sea Star" decides to bring the "Akademic Vladislav Volkov" into port, where they can claim a huge salvage fee. However, they soon learn that they're not alone on board (surprise, surprise). An alien intelligence has inhabited the computer, and, when Everton and his people turn the power on, it comes to life. Soon, the humans find themselves trapped in the ship's innards, hunted by creatures that look like Borg rejects from Star Trek: First Contact, and headed towards the biggest deus ex machina ending in any recent motion picture.
Although Virus fails in almost every conceivable area - characterization, acting, script, musical score, and cinematography - the special effects are surprisingly effective. The problem is, they're visuals in the service of nothing - eye candy with no purpose other than to show off how good the effects team is. The strength of the visuals shouldn't be a surprise, since director John Bruno, making his debut at the helm, has a special effects background (he worked on films like Ghostbusters, Terminator 2, and The Abyss). Unfortunately, his aptitude with models, animatronics, and computer-generated monsters doesn't extend to any other part of the production. Bruno should have started with a real script instead of a group of pointless scenes strung together. Virus is based on a supposedly dynamic comic book series created by Chuck Pfarrer (who also co-wrote the screenplay), but the result makes Charles Schulz's "Peanuts" seem complex and challenging by comparison.
Jamie Lee Curtis sleepwalks her way through her part as Kit on the way to a substantial pay check. A few years from now, I can see her explaining her participation in Virus this way: "Well, there were a couple of films I really wanted to do, but they couldn't pay my salary. I did H20 and Virus so I could afford to work on something worthwhile." Likewise, Donald Sutherland is in full take-the-money-and-run mode. Because he plays a traitorous lunatic who doesn't make it to the final reel, Sutherland is spared the indignity of being around for the ending. Meanwhile, William Baldwin once again demonstrates why he's the least-talented of the Baldwin brothers. The supporting cast includes Joanna Pacula as a pretty Russian scientist, Sherman Augustus as the comic relief, and Cliff Curtis as a Maori with more tattoos than sense.
It's tough to blame actors for a debacle like this, since they're just trying to make a living. However, while the director and screenwriter have to shoulder their share of the culpability, the real villain is producer Gale Anne Hurd. Once upon a time, during the period when she was paired with James Cameron, Hurd assembled an impressive resume: Aliens, The Terminator, The Abyss, and T2. Since her split with the Titanic director, her projects have gone from dumb to dumber (recent examples: Dante's Peak and Armageddon). Virus is a new low. It's Hurd's turd.
One of the most frequent questions I'm asked is why I attend movies for which I have low expectations. It's not that I'm a masochist. Instead, I occasionally need to see a truly bad movie so I don't start confusing mere motion picture mediocrity with certifiable cinematic crap. Keeping that goal in mind, there's no question that Virus gets the job done.
© 1999 James Berardinelli