Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gabriel Byrne, Robin Tunney, Kevin Pollak, Rod Steiger, Miriam Margolyes, Udo Kier
Director: Peter Hyams
Producers: Armyan Bernstein, Bill Borden
Screenplay: Andrew W. Marlowe
Cinematography: Peter Hyams
Music: John Debney
U.S. Distributor: Universal Pictures
He has battled nuclear terrorists on Earth and power mad conspirators on Mars. He has taken on alien predators in the darkest reaches of the jungle and morphing cyberkillers that seemingly nothing can stop. So, after all those fights, what's left for Arnold Schwarzenegger? How about Satan? Now that all of the universe's lesser evils have been dispatched with lots of powerful explosions and a few grunts of dialogue, it's time for Arnold to move on to Mephistopheles, who, as luck would have it, is taking a few days off in New York City so he can get laid.
As a result of heart surgery, it has been two and a half years since Schwarzenegger last appeared in a film (1997's Batman and Robin), and a year more than that since he starred in one (1996's Eraser). For the big muscled action figure, who was once a sure-fire box office draw, End of Days will answer the question of whether there are still enough fans out there to make his movies the events they once were. If End of Days goes down in flames, Schwarzenegger will discover a lot of closed doors in Hollywood. On the other hand, it the film hangs tough against challengers like The World Is Not Enough and Toy Story 2, Schwarzenegger will again be in big demand.
End of Days is the latest Armageddon story to steal a few of its themes from the Biblical Book of Revelation. It also represents one of the flurry of millennium-ending movies popping up in theaters all across the world. The previews make End of Days seem a little on the dumb side. In that, they are misleading - the movie isn't a little dumb, it's a lot dumb. In fact, this is easily the dopiest apocalypse script to make it to the screen in a long time. By comparison, it makes the likes of The Seventh Sign and The Prophecy seem like Shakespeare and Dickens.
This time around, Schwarzenegger is attempting to play a character with a little more background and depth than the comic book action heroes he usually portrays. And, although the former bodybuilder has more personality than Steven Seagal, Jean Claude Van Damme, and Christopher Lambert rolled together, he's still not an impressive thespian, and he clearly lacks the range necessary to make his End of Days character into a believable, tragic figure. He gives it the old college try, though, and at least manages to look the part - unshaven, unwashed, and unkempt.
Jericho Cane (now there's a Biblical name) is a former NYPD cop turned Striker Security guard. He left the police force after his wife and daughter were brutally murdered, and now he endures things one day at a time, taking life-threatening risks with the vague hope that some accident will allow him to join his family. Then, on December 28, 1999, an event happens to alter Jericho's destiny: Satan arrives on Earth and takes over a body that looks surprisingly like Gabriel Byrne. He's here for one reason - to impregnate a woman. For some reason that is never made clear, this has to happen between 11 pm and midnight on New Year's Eve. If it does, the world will be plunged into endless darkness. The girl, named Christine York (Robin Tunney), has been marked from birth as the Devil's bride, and now only Jericho's intervention can save her from a fate that is literally worse than death.
From a theologial standpoint, End of Days is laughable. Most movies don't get the little things right when it comes to religion, but this film stumbles when it comes to the bigger issues. Quite a few of the things Satan does (like walking into a church) go against commonly held doctrine, and the script has to go through a lot of contortions to explain why December 31, 1999 is so important. In order to do this, the Number of the Beast is changed from "666" to "999" (the explanation: when Saint John, who wrote Revelation, had this vision, he dreamed the number upside down and backwards), and, for some reason, a "1" is added in front to make "1999" (this must be the latest version of "new math"). Not following this? It doesn't really matter. Trying to make sense of End of Days is a futile endeavor. The intent is to watch all the well-executed explosions, see Schwarzenegger participate in several Bond-like action sequences, gaze at a few choice shots of gratuitous nudity, and stare at director/cinematographer Peter Hyams' (The Relic, Timecop) stylish photography.
The film features some biting snippets of dialogue that are a cut above the typical action film one-liners. On one occasion, Jericho gets in a nice little dig about Satan having time constraints placed on his sexual activity. And the Devil sets up a scenario in which he describes the Bible as an "overblown press kit." My favorite scene is the one in which Miriam Margolyes beats the hell out of Schwarzenegger - now that's something you don't see every day. When it comes to acting, Robin Tunney (The Craft) is about on par with Schwarzenegger, Kevin Pollak is wasted as the sidekick, and Rod Steiger has no trouble convincing us that he's a priest. Meanwhile, although Gabriel Byrne doesn't have as much fun with his fiery role as Al Pacino did in The Devil's Advocate, he still flashes a lot of demonic charisma. All things considered, End of Days can be enjoyed on a perverse level if you're willing to suspend all rational thought for a two hour period (which, by the way, is too long - the movie should have clocked in leaner and meaner). Schwarzenegger fans will probably be pleased, action lovers won't be bored, and the Catholic League will be angry. Everyone else will see End of Days for what it is: a deliciously bad motion picture.
© 1999 James Berardinelli