Starring: Elias Koteas, Paige Turco, Vivian Wu, Sab Shimono, Stuart Wilson
Director: Stuart Gillard
Producers: Thomas K. Gray, Kim Dawson, and David Chan
Screenplay: Stuart Gillard
Music: John Du Prez
Released by New Line Cinema
In 1603 Japan, there is a war in progress between a great warlord (Sab Shimono) and a band of rebels led by a beautiful young woman (Vivian Wu). Through an odd series of events, a magical talisman of the warlord is activated, transporting April (Paige Turco), a resident of 1993 New York City, to feudal Japan. Following her disappearance, her four teenage mutant ninja turtle friends decide to go after her. Using the same talisman that transported April, the reptilian brothers cross time and space to end up in the middle of the battle between the warlord and the rebels.
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies are New Line Cinema's cash cow. Ever since the unexpected success of the dreadful first film, the sequels have arrived at fairly regular intervals. Until one bombs at the box office, they will likely continue to appear. Since they aren't expensive, it will require an extremely low turnout for any of these movies to run a deficit.
Quality obviously doesn't have anything to do with the appeal of the turtles. The first film was bad, the second worse, and the third almost unbearable. Children under the age of ten will probably enjoy the movies -- they have the same appeal and intelligence level of the average Saturday morning cartoon -- but any adults accompanying their kids will have to invent new and interesting ways to stay awake. Not only is this movie aimed at young children, the script could have been written by them.
There is a lot of cartoon-style violence. In fight scene after fight scene, many of which involve guns and swords, people emerge relatively unscathed. Death doesn't seem to be a strong reality in the world of the mutant ninja turtles. Like in Home Alone 2 (and, to a lesser extent, the original Home Alone), men survive getting bashed over the head with heavy objects, beaten up, and shot at.
The PG rating lulls parents into believing this is a wholesome family feature, when, in reality, it's a ninety-minute advertisement for childrens' toys. Yet, despite being one of the worst films of the year, it will probably still make a tremendous amount of money, and, as the unfortunate result, we will be subjected to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV.
© 1993, 1996 James Berardinelli